Category: Dating and Relationships
The title pretty much says it all: How do you get over someone you like??? Meaning if your with someone, but you really like another person. Not sayin i'm not liking person #!, but if person #2 is thought about ofthen & im tryin not to think of them, how do i not think of person #2 besides not thinkin of them??? And what would that mean??? If im constantly thinkin of them; if we're not talkin im thinkin bout them, during the day im thinkin bout them, but when we do talk my body jus jumps & i get a funny feeling...Someone please let me know what this is!!! Tnanx.
It could probably just be infatuation. I haven't had that sort of thing happen while I'm with someone else, but either way, the only thing I can think of to stop thinking of the other person, is to think rationally about the situation and/or use it to help with your own relationship. If you and the other person were single, it wouldn't be much of a problem because you could talk or try dating each other and see where that goes. But since at least one of y'all is in a relationship with someone else, I can only say to remember that it is a normal feeling to have a crush on other people, lots of people have crushes on celebrities or other random people they encounter (whether or not they are already in a relationship themselves), even to the point that they are obsessed with that person. It doesn't mean it's love or anything and that you should break up with who you're with and see that other person; it probably just means that you like or really admire some qualities in that other person, the attention you're getting from them and how that makes you feel, stuff like that.
I think if I was very attracted to another person while I was with someone else, I would remember that I'm already committed to someone, and I would also think about what I like about that other person and why. It could either be for superficial reasons like the sound of their voice or any physical qualities, and/or it can be because of a personality trait or something you don't feel like your getting in the relationship you're in (like that you can talk more with that person than with your partner). In the first case, all you can do is to just remember that it is for superficial reasons that you like that person (if they weren't tall, have a nice voice, etc), you probably wouldn't like that person, and that also, if you really loved who you're with you'd hopefully still want to be with your partner if things about them changed (like if they shrunk from old age, etc.) In the other case, if there are relational/personality traits you were attracted to, you could talk about things you might want more of in your own relationship as it relates to that; you don't even have to mention your crush specifically. For instance, if you like that you and your crush are more open with each other, but that is not the case with you and your partner, you can mention to your partner that you would want to be able to talk more with him/her. If your partner is not very polite, but you like that your crush is, you can mention to your partner that good manners are a quality you really admire in people. Your partner could either take this into consideration and so both of y'all can work on showing these qualities in y'all's own relationship, or the partner can say, "whell I'm not that type of person" and refuse to change. If you and your partner were able to gain some of those admired qualities in your own relationship, that part of why you like that person would probably seem less unique and might fade some. Other than that, I can't think of any way you can consciously get over it; the infatuation would also likely go away by itself after awhile whether or not you do anything about it. Hmmm. That's all I can think of; hope any of this helps. *smile*
All good advice. The grass might be greener, or look greener, but is it available to you, if you decide you want to try? If not forget it. Smile. If you aren't happy as you are there is a reason, so as posted try to fix it. If you can't then move on, but not because you think this other persons better. You'd have to know that for sure Move on because things can't be fixed.
to get straight to the point, I take it as being unhappy in your relationship. if you're into someone other than the person you're with, you likely aren't getting some needs met.
Its not that im unhappy, its just ive nver veen in this situation. I want to forget, but i cnat seem not too. I can be honest with both, but i cant tell person #1 about person #1 so i talk to person #2. My relationship wit #1 is good, but i guess ive always wondered how it would be wit #2 if we ever tried a relationship. But i wouldn't want to end my relationship with #1. Im happy & want to stay that way, that is why im askin how to get over person #2...
You can't talk to person 1 about Person 1? that's not good. I know some things are difficult to discuss, but if they're understanding and care about you enough, they should at least be able to take what you've said with a grain of salt and consider why you might be feeling the way you do about whatever it is you can't talk to them about. Just my thoughts. I know from experience that if there's something bothering you about someone and you don't talk to them about it for whatever reason, it may very well end up exploding out of you in a much less civil way than you ever intended, weeks or months down the road.
You know I had that same thought, so a great suggestion. Its heavy, however, because number 1 might get mad, so it is a risk, but as pointed out he'll feel it if he's paying attenchen anyway, so honesty might be good. Now another strange idea. Maybe number 1, if he loves you will give you permission to date for a time number 2, providing, number 2 is even interested. It is my sincere belief, if I really love someone, I love them enough to let them go if that is what they need for their life. Holding on to someone that might want to be someplace else gets miserable. They start to find fault where their is no fault. I do admit that my idea is radical, but maybe it might fit your situation. You get with number 2 on lone, and you learn that he's not all you thought he was, so your number 1 gets you completely and maybe even stronger. If he loses, then you were leaving, if not today, soon anyway.
Thanks everyone! This is good advice/info. I will try to talk to person 1 about this & see what he thinks. But im almost sure that he will think somethin is up & might keep his eye on me. *sigh* Lets hope not though...
Make sure you point out the fact you are thinking about it, not telling him after the fact to cover anything. Also tell him you are telling him, because you wish to be upfront and not hide, because you understand that if it continues it might become a problem he senses, but because he doesn't know for sure might make the wrong conclusions, so you are bring it up front for better or worse. I'm not sure how you'll end up, but if you are truly going to try post and let us know. Smile. Good luck. Remember, life is unserten, and sometimes shorter then we expect, so a person should live for today, making choices for the future, but not depending on seeing them come to pass. If you get their you are good, if not you will have enjoyed all you had when you had it.
yep. some times i feel the same way.
As someone who has recently experienced a similar situation, let me put in my 2 cents worth. Usually, the grass isn't really greener. Even if you're not getting a need met that you think is a big deal at the time, the last thing you want to do is throw away a happy relationship for the sake of taking a risk, cause that risk is going to come back and bite you in the ass. Then you come to find out that the other person isn't all they're cracked up to be. it's like living in extremes. You can have something that's all good or all bad, at least that's how you see it when you're looking over the fence. But one day you're gonna end up straddling that fence with growling dogs glaring at you from both sides, so you can't jump down. Basically, you end up in a tough situation if you realize you were really in love with the first person when the second person turns out to be something totally different than what you expected. And it fucking hurts.
Post 12, I completely agree. Very little turns out how you think it will, especially with personalities and double relationships.
I would also advocate discussion.
If you can't talk to either person about themselves, as well as the other person, then you might want to consider both relationships.
A partner who is wanted for more than casual sex should be able to discuss this type of thing with you. If you explain what you are feeling for the other person, and that you are bringing it up so that you can be totally open, a loving and caring partner shouldn't bite your head off. The same goes for self examination; if you can't bring faults up to each person, in a kind and non-confrentational manner, how will you continue down the road, when problems crop up? You won't be able to ignore every problem, and many of them will require your partner to examine themselves and their responses.
I hope this didn't come out too preachy.
Brandon McGinty